First Steps Eating Disorder Recovery Grant Program Testimonial
For Those Who Would recently launched our “First Steps” grant program, which provides $5000 of financial aid for psychological counseling or treatment for individuals starting their recovery from an eating disorder.
The inaugural First Steps grant was awarded in March 2024 and you can read below the recipient’s gracious testimonial of the impact it has had on her life.
You can also make an impact by donating today to our First Steps program, which will allow us to fund more grants. Our promise is that 100% of these donations goes directly to support individuals in need and make a meaningful difference in their lives.
I am forever incredibly grateful for the support of the For Those Who Would First Steps grant. For more than half my life I’ve struggled with an eating disorder and, after several different treatment approaches, including two years inpatient treatment as well as outpatient support, I resigned myself to battle with my mind and food for life. I felt beyond help and pretty hopeless.
In high school, I started running competitively and was recruited from the UK to run at the NCAA D1 level in the USA. I finished high school with some impressive PRs and big hopes for my upcoming college career and beyond, including running at the professional level and competing in the Olympics. After 4 years of consistent progression, building mileage, and staying injury free, everything changed in 2020. For the first time in my running career I got hurt, the beginning of a 3+ year injury cycle that I hope I’m starting to come out of. In those 3-4 years, I’ve suffered from 5 bone stress injuries in my feet and had to face the harsh reality that I am incredibly fragile. Over a decade of underfueling, overtraining and amenorrhea caught up with my body, and forced me to confront the reality that my running career and dreams may be over unless I deal with these bigger issues.
To all extents and purposes, my college career was a failure, full of regret and lost opportunities. Transitioning to life post college proved to be a catalyst for a major eating disorder and depression relapse, and towards the end of 2023 I found myself in the lowest place in years. With the support of friends -whom I can honestly say saved my life- I was connected to a wonderful dietitian, therapist, and medical team. Unfortunately, the majority of these professionals were not covered by my health insurance, and I was unsure if care/ treatment with them was possible. Having seen countless dietitians, therapists, and other mental health professionals, I’ve struggled to feel understood by almost all. Miraculously, this time around I’d found people who didn’t look at me like I had 3 heads when I discussed my struggles and darkest disordered thoughts; they didn’t judge and appeared to truly understand. For the first time in a long while I felt a bit of hope that life could be better and perhaps I didn’t have to always struggle with an eating disorder as much.
Unfortunately, the prevalence of eating disorders in athletes, especially in endurance sports, is scarily high. However, thanks to some incredibly courageous athletes speaking out about their experiences with eating disorders, I started to feel less shame about my struggles and believe that athletic success and a healthy body weren’t mutually exclusive. Some of these athletes have become friends and mentors, giving me their time to chat and not feel so alone. It was one of them who passed along the information about the For Those Who Would First Steps grant. Initially I dismissed it, not feeling worthy of support given all my previous failed treatment experiences, believing it would be a waste on me, and besides, I was almost certain I wouldn’t be selected as there are too many other athletes in need of eating disorder support. With some convincing, I applied for the grant; after all, the coincidence of timing between the grant becoming available and my eating disorder relapse seemed uncanny.
Long story short, and much to my surprise, I was/am the recipient of the First Steps grant and it has really transformed my present and future life. Most importantly, the grant money allowed me to continue seeing the providers whom I’d felt connected to, working with them on a biweekly or weekly basis. This included the support of a dietitian, eating disorder therapist, physical therapist, psychiatrist, and primary care doctor. With their help, I came out of the darkness and have made the most progress in my eating disorder recovery than I ever have. By no means is this a “rainbows and sunshine” fairytale ending because I wouldn’t consider myself recovered, but I am in a far better place than I’ve been before and I owe that to the First Steps grant for making this financially possible.
Despite fueling my body well and avoiding overexercising, this year has still been fraught with injuries. I now understand the importance of patience and self-compassion here because unfortunately it will be a long road to developing the strong and robust body I hope for. I’m committed to increasing my bone density and improving my endocrine function in support of both my health and performance. I’m following the recommendations of my PT and dietitian on appropriate training loads and fueling before, during, and after training sessions. The past couple months I’ve slowly returned to more intensity in training and am not taking healthy running for granted. By focusing on fueling enough and taking a low running mileage, high cross-training approach to training, I’m feeling hopeful about my chances of returning to high level distance running, and maybe even being better than my speedy high school self.
Thank you to For Those Who Would for helping me take action on my eating disorder recovery with the First Steps grant, helping me consistently receive the support of professionals I trust. I feel hopeful that my progress will continue, and know that For Those Who Would has enabled me to prioritize my eating disorder recovery, already transforming my mental and physical health, as well as setting me up for improved athletic performance to come.
Share Now:
